At some point later today, we are going to be resurrecting the Midlands Maidens Newsletter as a subscription only service.
Last Updated on Sunday, March 27, 2022 by Midlands Maidens
Black Bin Bags and Google AMP
You might have noticed that Midlands Maidens have stopped using Google AMP and dumped the whole lot into a couple of black bin bags.
We’ll attempt to explain this and a couple of other things that needed dumping, but it’s not all bad news – a couple of great additions to the Statistics Page are now live, and without Google AMP messing things up, all seems set to flourish.
We’ll deal with these black bin bags items in three sections:
1: Google AMP
2: Semalt SEO services
3: Binned applications
…and just to keep you watching in what promises to be a rather ‘techie’ post, we’ll add a scene from Phoenix Nights, which was the first programme we thought of when coming up with the post title.
1: Google AMP
After trying out this new way of browsing for a few months, it became apparent to us that Accelerated Mobile Pages were in fact nothing but a con in their present form, and are desperately needing a revamp if AMP is not going to go the same way as that other failed project – Google+.
It seems that Google are doing something called ‘pre-loading’ and ‘pre-rendering’ their single AMP search results – something that we finally got our head around by clicking on a few of our OWN AMP pages, then finding that we needed to click on the ‘choose internet browser’ button on any further mobile pages, meaning that the initial page had been pre-loaded from the search results and was using Google’s own cache to pre-render it.
A flagrantly dodgy con by Google then, meaning that AMP pages AREN’T faster on a mobile – just those pages that have come from the Google cache, and a sure-fire way to get deposited into black bin bags.
Popping over to our STATISTICS PAGE, you’ll see that viewers of our 404 page have drastically dropped now that AMP is no longer available, and all previously AMPed pages are now being redirected to their original page.
We have been saying for years now that if Google were genuinely wanting a faster internet, then they could do this with one snip by removing and refusing to allow any adverts.
However Google is only theorising about wanting a faster internet – they are really only in it for the cash – a bit like some of the dodgy providers in this niche!
One thing that is worse by far than AMP though, is our next black bin bags contender.
2: SEMALT SEO Services
SEMALT have had many poor reviews on the internet, many of the reviewers picking up on their ‘referral spambots’ that will decimate any Google Analytics reports.
A referral spam bot will pop along, hit your website, then leave immediately – meaning that your Google Analytics bounce rate goes through the roof, making your whole website worthless for meaningful keywords.
Typical bounce rates for ‘websites’ (spambots) provided by SEMALT typically range from 93% right up to 100% and it’s no surprise that two or three security firms have in-built ‘SEMALT blockers’ for their software.
15-reasons-for-SEO.com, 99-reasons-for-SEO.com, 185-reasons-for-SEO.com etc are ALL SEMALT referrer spam bots which will take you to the SEMALT website if you follow them, and we’ve added a succinct piece of code in our source to redirect these spambots back to Google so that their black bin bags can be used to dump them.
3: Black bin bags Applications
We’re not even replying to applications from girls that would have no chance in making it in the escort industry, but one that deserves special mention is an application from a Miss Vjola, ex of London and now in Nottingham.
Hi, I used to be a size 8 but now I’m a size 14, I used to work in London from 2014 to 2017.
…she said on her application – which was accompanied by four horrendous photos.
Just because some of these girls might have worked in London holds no sway over us, as most of the London girls have deplorable working ethics, so we just left it and presumed she would too.
However the next day, we got another email asking where her phone call was.
So we phoned her and gave her a few honest truths.
Wow! I was totally not expecting that!
…said Vjola in a return email – still not picking up the phone to contact us.
By the way I used to be a size 8, nice clothes and expensive make-up and I was doing very well as an escort in London, I used to have my own website and working from hotels!
‘Used to be’ is the main pointer here. This is exactly the reason that we require recent photographs and selfies sent over, and those girls that ‘used to be’ nice and have let things go a little will not get a position at Midlands Maidens Nottingham Escorts no matter WHERE they have previously worked.
New Techniques that have escaped the black bin bags
As mentioned earlier, it’s not all bad news – and a couple of new things have taken our fancy.
We mentioned the STATISTICS PAGE earlier, and those of you viewing it can now muddle over our ‘Latest Search Terms’ from the website and search engines, and a ‘World Map’ which shows you where people are coming from to view our Nottingham Escorts website.
We’ve also added an ‘Instant Search’ in with all of our search boxes, and these will all be categorised into ‘Escorts’, ‘Areas’ and ‘Post Categories’ just as soon as you start typing. Who needs Amazon or Google for instant searches, when it’s available on Midlands Maidens?
Finally, we did an improvement (though it will wind a lot of people up) on our Whatsapp channel.
We now solely use Whatsapp Web for the Midlands Maidens account, meaning that those tight-wads who prefer to use a free messaging service rather than their own providers’ service will still get through – but the message might not get seen until the next day.
This was a much-needed service that will un-clog the phones and let REAL clients get through to us either via a phone call (preferred) or a text message to our phones via their provider.
We hope that you’ve enjoyed this rather techie post with a few diversions and we look forward to seeing you next time!
Did you find a video that is no longer working?
Let us know by mentioning it on our SUGGESTIONS PAGE (opens in a new tab) and we’ll try and find a replacement.